When God has Other Plans

“We’ve been here in Rwanda for 3 months and I’ve scarcely had a chance to gather my thoughts.  Setting up a new household…Helping our 3 kids acclimate to any entirely different culture (which is another blog post on its own!)…Homeschooling a 7 year old & keeping a 5 and 2 ½ year old out of trouble…Bookkeeping for Ndengera Foundation…Ministering alongside my husband…And in the midst of all that, Mt Nyiragongo volcano erupts! (See my newsletter links).

This week, I’ve really been reflecting on the process it took for me personally to get my heart back to Africa, and that’s what lead me writing this weekend.

We left Gisenyi, Rwanda in October 2016, our son was just 2 months old (he’s almost 5 now!), he was born in Kigali, Rwanda.  I had a wonderful mid-wife and a great doctor, but I had another very long and tough delivery.  Without family and very few close friends to share in the joy of a newborn, and with all the changes of hormones and emotions, I quickly became very lonely, and depressed.  Up to this point Blake and I had never experienced a season where I just wasn’t quite myself.  I just couldn’t shake the feelings I was having.  It wasn’t until much later that I came to learn more about postpartum depression. 

Most people haven’t heard this part, but just a few weeks after Jake was born, I was up nursing in the middle of the night, and I heard an unfamiliar noise; after assessing the situation I decided to wake Blake up to check it out.  As soon as he went into our living room there were 3 men that had come through an unlatched window.  They hadn’t made it very far in, and thankfully most thieves in Rwanda are just looking for something easy or convenient to grab, they aren’t looking to put up a fight.  Blake quickly chased them out the way they came.  But after that night as you can imagine neither one of us were getting sleep.  I was already not getting enough being up with a newborn baby and now Blake was also wide awake checking every door and every window with even the slightest sound. 

It wasn’t long after that for me to be at my breaking point.  I got out of bed one morning and I said to Blake, I’m leaving Africa…you can come with us, or you can stay, but I’m taking my babies and leaving.  After much prayer, wise counsel and lots of conversations, we decided we would take a 3-month break in the states and boy did we have prayer support during that time.  We came back to the states a very hurting family, who were weary, tired and in need of a physical support system.  The plan was to rest, pray, counsel and have a wonderful Christmas season in the states, returning shortly after Christmas, but God had other plans.

After a few months in the states, Blake accepted a job and we started to settle in Colorado.  I was so broken, and I was craving community.  I latched onto every mom group, every source of community I could find.  I went to every event, every gathering, every story time…and eventually found my people.  My crew of women that prayed with me, encouraged me, counseled me and grew with me!  And slowly I started to recover, to heal, and to rest.

Just before returning to Africa this year, one friend reminded me of our conversation when we first met 4+ years ago.  She said “Lindsey do you remember what you told me when you first met me?  You told me you had just returned from being a missionary in Africa, and you would NEVER go back.”  But God had other plans.  Then we talked about that sometimes we can be put into a temporary, yet difficult circumstance that seems impossible to overcome, and through those impossibilities they are God’s opportunities to show Himself strong and faithful on our behalf.

When Blake and I talked about Africa a year after returning to the states (2017), I said I’m glad we are not there (in Africa), and we are here (in Colorado).  When we talked about Africa in 2018, I said I have only fond memories of Africa, even in situations when we lived in the village and had no running water or power, I have fond memories.  When we talked about Africa in 2019, I said one day God will move my heart to return.  In 2020, we prayed and agreed that we would put ourselves in a position that if the Lord stirred, or called, or moved our hearts to a new opportunity we wanted to be available.  We prayed.  We prayed for patience in the waiting.  We prayed expectantly for whatever season was going to come our way.  We had, and still have people praying for us without ceasing. 

It was not an easy decision to make, leaving grandparents and close friends behind, but now, almost 5 years later, we are back in Gisenyi, with a 7, 5 (almost) and 2 ½ year old.  It was a process for me to return here, and in 2016 I wasn’t going to.  But God had other plans.  In the midst of my biggest challenge, the great Creator of the Universe was going before me, standing behind me and guiding my every step ahead of me.  There is no obstacle that is too big for God to turn around for good.

1 Peter 5:10 says, “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”  For me God has done just that!  He has restored me!